|
Positive Rites of Passage: Alternatives to
Risky Behavior
WHAT WE AS PARENTS CAN DOThe
panel discussion was led by Julie Fenn LICSW, LHS
Substance Abuse Prevention Specialist. (FENN)
PANELISTS
• Alison Faucher, LHS Guidance Department (AF)
• Meegan Smith Whelan, LHS Guidance Department (MW)
• Psychiatrist Blaise Aguirre, McLean Hospital (BA)
• Lt. Joe O’Leary, Lexington Police Department (JO)
• Tim Johnson, Lexington Fire Department (TJ)
• Janet Foley, R.N. from LHS Nursing Office (JF)
• Becky Kosterman, Youth and Family Services
Coordinator (BK)
• Debra Holmen, Health Educator (DH))
---------
JULIE FENN
It is my experience that the school is doing a great job and particularly in
the past year we’ve done. All of our children are at risk for unhealthy
behavior. Even good kids can make bad decisions.
LT. JOE O’LEARY
Manager of the Detective bureau supervises school resource officers, civil
rights domestic/dating violence unit, substance abuse unit, and other
officers.
I’ve been working with the school over the past several years and with Debra
Holmen. We’ve collaborated on the health skills curriculum. The issues and
the problems don’t change. We never seem to be able to move forward, despite
our long-term hard work on the same issues year after year. Dealing with
these issues, I refer to “The Three P’s.”
Prevention – Progress in preventing catastrophic events must be made. The
idea of a teen center has been suggested for 30 years. There have never been
resources in the past, there are not likely to be in the future.
Partnerships – parent with child and parent with school & community
Problem solving – you cannot prevent every catastrophic event
ALISON FAUCHER
Having a place to go is important. There was a volleyball tournament going
after school today. It was packed. There were all kinds of kids. Not abusing,
not smoking, all enjoying themselves at the school.
Students hang around; they are not fleeing the school. They must like it here
and feel pretty okay here. Students volunteer.
MEEGAN SMITH WHELAN
These kids are amazing. In terms of staying here after the school day, I’ve
never seen anything like this. I had a student who stepped out of line. We
needed to establish a consequence for her behavior. The consequence, she has
to leave the school. Not detention, but barring her from staying at the
school after the end of classes. That was a punishment because she wanted to
be here.
JO: Sometimes the professionals tend to believe that parenting isn’t taken
seriously by some parents. Schools are sometimes considered a professional
baby-sitting service. We often have to pick up the pieces. There is nothing
we would like more than to say “nothing happened this year.”
DEBRA HOLMEN
High school
health education is really about kids taking a look at who
they are, who they want to be and mistakes they have made. A lot of kids say
their parents want to be their friends; kids would rather have their parents
be their guides and lay down the law. They want their parents to talk to
them, give them reasons to make good decisions. We’re observing unhealthy
behaviors being pushed down into younger grades. Risk behavior we used to see
in 11th grade we are now seeing in middle school.
BLAISE AQUIRRE
At McLean we see a lot of substance abuse, the “hooking up” behavior, the
self-mutilation and cutting. It used to be very rare to see a Lexington High School
student at McLean; now 25% of our clients
are from LHS. I’m concerned as a professional, taxpayer and as a parent.
Prevention, too, has an economic impact. If we can keep a child from reaching
a serious point of dangerous behavior, serious problems, then everybody wins,
including the taxpayers.
Free time and open campus provides pitfalls. High-powered educational
competition does, too. Substances include cocaine (which is coming back),
prescription medicines, Ecstasy, kids trading prescription drugs. Beware of
packages coming to your kid because ease of buying prescription online is
stunning.
BECKY KOSTERMAN
You’re at a time when your kids may feel like they are pushing you away, but
they really need you. Clubs and athletics are great, but they really need you
as a parent. The prefrontal cortex of the brain, the seat of judgment, just
isn’t really developed until the mid-twenties. Keep the dialog open. If you
only have the conversation once a year, I bet it may feel to your kids as if
it happened three years ago.
AF: If something seems
a little off, call the counselor, even if it seems small. That may be
corroborated added to by teachers. We can open the door.
JANET FOLEY
I’ve been a teen nurse for more than 20 years. At LHS seven years. I’ve
always worked with teenagers, I always will. It’s a very poignant period and
I hope you share your own teen experiences with your children.
The door to the nurse’s office is open. We are happy to see your kids. Number
One complaint: fatigue. They are getting tireder
and tireder. Most frequently I hear, “I’m tired and
I’m overwhelmed.” Pressure is everywhere and they lose sight of what’s going
on today. Risk behavior is a response to pressure and they want to cut loose,
and they get a lot of peer pressure to do just that.
DH: Year after year,
kids are sleeping less and less. Most report getting about six hours, some
say they sleep as few as four hours. That’s not enough sleep. Few get eight
hours.
TIM JOHNSON
I’m an RN at Winchester
Hospital and a
firefighter, so I see a lot. Fire setting is huge among teens. New users of vicodin, oxycontin, and other
prescription drugs have caught up with marijuanna
users, especially among 12-17 year olds. Girls are more likely to get high on
purpose. We’ve one instance of multiple LHS kids doing oxycontin
as a group. A 17-year-old was caught dealing oxy at LHS. An inebriated child
was left at the side of road at the Videosmith
store doorstep.
We know the signs of substance abuse to look for in a child:
• Increased secrecy
• Incense, perfumes to mask chemical odors
• Coded language
• New friends
• New fascinations/clothes
• Sucking on a pacifier . . . signals ecstasy (oral fixation)
• Inhaling
• Eye drops to mask physical effects of drug use
• Missing Prescription drugs
There’s more information at <www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov>
Panelists took questions from the attendees.
Q: Is alcohol poisoning the most
frequently seen dangerous behavior?
TJ: We
had a girl who died from Tylenol overdose; it destroyed her liver. It’s not
just alcohol or big drugs. Kids will take anything if they think it will get
them high.
JO: and kids are not
just popping pills. Kids are crushing these pills. They’re ingesting shaved powdered prescriptions that gets into the system
extremely fast. It’s stuff in your medicine cabinet, anything with codeine.
Know what’s in the house.
TJ: Kids are starting
fires, making bombs for a kick. Who knows what they’re thinking.
FENN: We
try really hard not to scare the kids, but to inform them. We don’t want to
scare parents, either, but these are really serious issues. Kids are faced
with hard decisions, because they want to fit in. In parent education classes
I took when my kids were little, I noticed that toddler parents were tired.
Elementary school parents got a little break. Suddenly in middle school I had
to know all these other kids, all their parents, and I notice that high
school parents are exhausted. I had this fantasy that my kids could take care
of themselves in high school. Although it’s important to have all these
support services in place, all the research shows that parents are the #1
factor in preventing risk behavior among students. Have the conversation.
It’s not one conversation. It’s ongoing. It has to be a continuous “what if”
conversation. I have an agreement with my kids that if they want to leave the
house, they have to have that conversation. And one more thing to keep in
mind: The more chances we make to talk to them about light topics, the easier
it will be to talk to them about the heavier subjects.
Habits they form now will be carry into adulthood.
Addictions begin as “I had a few beers on Friday night” transforming into “I
need a beer Friday night.” These things can have life-long complications.
MW: We
are surprised how many kids knew the “Red Flag” signs of stress. Students
commented that they don’t feel they can talk to their parents about stress.
Students tell us that the focus at home is on academics. Students want to
have those conversations with their parents.
Q: How do we help kids relieve
stress?
AF:
I had a student’s mother tell me her daughter needed a “mental health day.”
It was a solution for one family. She needed the day off, but she skipped
because just needed to rest and regroup.
JF: I
see a tremendous effort here to reduce the stress level. We all recognize
that stress is a huge part of the environment here. We’ve worked on spreading
out test days. It’s always on the table. In the nursing office, we are very
forgiving of the stressed out kid. We have tried to teach kids to de-stress.
BA: It’s always easier
for parents to hear about stress reduction when their kid is hospitalized. Be
honest with yourself about your own expectations. To say, “I don’t pressure
my kids,” is one thing, but if you really do have all A’s, the kids feel it.
It’s very distressing to the kid to feel the pressure, but hear the words
“I’m not pressuring you.” It confuses them and they don’t feel comfortable
talking about the pressure, because it would imply they don’t trust what
their parents are saying. It puts the child in a no-win situation.
JF: Kids are
realistic. They want to be asked, they want to be in the conversation.
Q: One other thing parents can do:
Decide what are we willing to pay for. Regarding the
school district budget, we need to really think about what’s important. The
wellness program is gone, even with an override. The supplemental budget
isn’t even enough.
JO:
Your lives need to be balanced, your families’ lives need to be balanced, your kids’ lives need to be balanced. It cannot be all
academics, all sports. It’s not rocket science. Simplify it. Balance.
Nurturing family situations where people can talk to each other will be
healthy for everyone.
Q: What do you think could be gained
by the random searches by drug sniffing dogs?
AF: I
wish we would.
FENN: It’s
one thing to blow it open and see what’s happening. But then what? Police
have recently been very aggressive and affective and collaborative in finding
the pockets where this is happening. I’m not a supporter of zero tolerance;
we want to give the kids a second chance. But then what do we do? We don’t
have resources to be really helpful.
JO: I don’t believe a
random dog on a search would be a good thing. I do think if we gave three
weeks notice and we were able to demonstrate the capability of a dog sniff
team, we would show collaboration between town and school and the kids could
really see something. We could use it as an educational experience and it
would contribute to prevention.
Dr. MICHAEL JONES:
One of the most recent initiatives is a community and school effort. It is
the idea we have adopted is to have busses for students to go to the proms.
Since one of our students died in a tragic drunk driving accident, the
community asked, “why not make these busses mandatory?” We’ve gotten a
consistent message from parents, from health professionals. The community has
spoken clearly that they want that level of safety added to the prom
experience. We’re doing that.
FENN: The
police and fire departments are also backing this effort
Q: I have talked with kids about how
this would NOT ruin their prom. It’s really tough for a kid to be a good
example. It’s really hard for kids to disengage from behavior they would
rather not be doing. It just ramps up, as they get older. What can we do so
they won’t feel like they have to leave a drunken friend by the side of the
road?
TJ: You
want to go out, you want to hang out with the guys, and you don’t want to be
the corny kid. Encourage your kids to call you. Then when they do, plan how
you will respond. Your first instinct is to yell at the kids. “What were you
doing there in the first place? I told you not to get there.” And so on. When
they do call you, don’t get on them. Just tell them you are glad they called
and have the discussion about their choices and behavior later.
Q: I look around the room and realize
this is a self-selecting group. How can we spread the word among our fellow
parents?
BK: The
goal would be that you go home and have this conversation in your own home.
Even if you share this conversation with one other parent, and that person
shares it with another person, we get it going through the community.
FENN: Because
I live in the community, I feel sometimes like parents see me coming and then
it’s “I’ve heard this, what have you heard?” Start the conversation with
other parents, too. We have to keep bringing it up; we have to keep talking
about it. It’s hard but it’s so important.
JF: Real life stories
are powerful. Kids all have a great deal of compassion and ability to
understand.
Q: There are not enough resources to
do everything we want to do. So, we have to look for opportunities, they way
the school can help, like with the prom busses. What about positive role
models? Is the school able to help with that? Like, kids who are selected to
be captain of the their teams. What role does the
school have in that selection process?
FENN: The
school does everything they can; I don’t think we’re always right or always
effective.
Kate Cremens-Basbas,
Dir. of Phys. Ed & Wellness Dept.: We’re looking at a
national wellness program so that kids can learn about balance in their
lives, not only in class, but also through the whole community. We’re trying
to integrate the wellness model into all aspects of school life. They are
being educated for life, but are also living their lives. If we are not
giving them an opportunity to practice stress management, how can they truly
learn it?
The session was brought to a close, but the panelists remained and answered
questions one-on-one.
If you have any questions or ideas for the PTSA please contact Debora Hoard
(781-861-8925) or Marlene Stone (781-861-1587).
Respectfully submitted,
Marilyn Rea Beyer,
Secretary
|